Steven’s new psychiatrist has had a very successful practice for many years according to the many pictures and accolades around his office.
Steven sat down in the handsomely worn brown leather couch, appreciating the firm cushion which supported his back and was preventing him from sinking into the cushion.
After jotting a few notes, Jerry Lieber, MD, looks up at Steven and introduces himself and what Steven could expect as a patient.
After two decades of psychologists and psychiatrists, Steven liked to arrogantly think of himself as an amateur shrink.
After the introduction, Lieber asks what brings Steve to his office.
Taking a deep breath, Steven closes his eyes and declares, “I am demisexual.”
Bieber adjusts his antique gold oval eyeglasses after they slid down the bridge of his nose.
“For me, while I can identify men & women who are attractive, my priority is an emotional connection with one or a very few.” Steven continued.
“If I become very close to one person, male or female, then I might want to explore further the friendship in any combination of romantic and sexual ways. Otherwise, I have no interest in getting that close to anyone.”
“I’d rather be a loner if that connection isn’t there.”
“However, that’s not all.”
“While sex is an act between two people ideally pleasing each other, I only have an interest in pleasing.”
“I have no interest sexually in anything other than the satisfaction of pleasing that person. I don’t know why.”
“As I have matured, I have resolved that I will always be alone because my orientation, appearance, and general failures in life make me feel disgusting.”
“I’m so tired of being alone.”
Dr. Lieber looked a little irritated as he continued writing in a beautiful leather bound journal with a Montblanc JFK special edition burgundy and gold rollerball pen.
“Take a breath, Steven. I don’t know shorthand, and it feels like you’re just repeating a monologue; I would guess it has been echoing in your mind for many years.”
The doctor put a hard candy in his mouth, pushed a lock of his gray hair off his forehead and continued writing.
Steven stared outside the office windows overlooking Ventura Boulevard in Sherman Oaks, CA, vowing not to give any reaction.
Instead, he focused on one point in the distance, refusing to let his inner child out.
Little Steve would remain safe.
Over the course of the next thirty minutes, Doctor Lieber proceeded to walk Steven through some basic intake routines to assess Steven’s cognition, thoughts, thought process, and perception, as well as his mood, level of anxiety, and psychiatric history.
When finished, Lieber let Steve know he was extending the appointment as he had no other clients for the rest of the afternoon.
Steven agreed and added, “So, you’ve come to the realization I’m fucked up enough to need extra help.”
“How do you feel when you put yourself down, Steven?’
Steven bit his lip and looked down at the floor.
To Be Continued…